Ok, let's say you have no way around needing to tell all this through the MC's inner monologue. I would never have a main character have more than four sentences of inner monologue in one go, it's just not good writing if the main character narrates their own life. And even when it is debloated, the aforementioned example monologue still remains just a dry, almost uninteresting info dump, that goes against the most basic tenet of storytelling, "show, don't tell". See what I mean? Almost all of the script could use a thorough debloating. "As a scientific researcher, he likes to study disputed historical facts and events."įirst sentence that doesn't need to be altered He likes to study various historical facts and events that are subject to great doubts." "My dad however can not boast about his career." "The father, in turn, can not boast of a stable career growth." "Now she works in one of the best medical laboratories." "As far as I know, she works in one of the best medical laboratories." "In the future, her career progressed rapidly."
No wonder she was able to find a job quickly." Her incredible interest for the field even attracted the attention of her Uni teachers.
Her success and incredible interest in what she does led to the fact that mother was able to quickly find a job." "My mother works as a pharmacist and even at the university attracted the attention of teachers. "I mean, their occupations are somewhat niche / out of the ordinary." "I mean that their field of activity is to some extent unique and narrowly focused." "Our parents are not exactly ordinary people."
"Hmm, an email from dad titled *Interesting fact about Grimson Mountains.*." "My father sent me an email marked *Interesting fact about Grimson Mountains.*." "The first thing I decided to do was check for new mail." coming from me that's, uh, something.Įxample (these are all successive sentences): While there is not too much to complain about in the grammatical sense (or should I say not as much?), the writing style itself is extremely wordy and convoluted. I'll be honest, I didn't even get to the second day before I downloaded the gallery mod, because I didn't enjoy the script, so I wanted to "get to the point".
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